I knowing how much i have not achieved this year makes me feel like a failier... i know people always tell me that life is always continue to have its ups and down but im soo sick of my life already...
the other night I just wanted to kill myself actually this whole week... but instead... I just got my metal sissors and a match.. lit up the match.. made my sissors go bright red ans BAM burn my hard just to know that doesnt hurt as much as what it has been hurting now...
old scars bring back so much memories...
My whole life is a scar.. I have never done any thing right.. im just wasting my life.. I do not know what I benefit in life now..
My whole family hate me... school work is a fuck!
friends are always there for me but there one particualar best friend that always been there all the way for me.. we talk every night... hes always there to listen to my problems and help me out..
but sometimes when he jokes around... he makes it sound like hes half serious...
I want me and my bestfriend to stay this way.. I do not want into a relationship with him nomatter how much i love him (as a friend)...
your life is great at the moment.. dont swrew it up like how I screwed mine..
All I want you to know is that.. Im always going to be here for you like your here for me...
your the reason why im still alive now... so thanks to you I would of had the biggest regret...
but yeah...
overall I am VERY SLOWLY getting my life on track... still hurts strongly.. from the day I layed down with you and you asked me if i was crying... obcourse I was crying... I had lost to you... I done the most stupisest mistake that day.. screwed up my family.. and when my sister told me what you did and shit and what you said... to my father made me hate you soo much.. but that hatred did not last for long... the love I have for you took over me and keeps controlling my life from then on... I even wonder if that one day will come... when I am fully over you...
makes me feel like I am never going to find that one boy out there that makes my heart beat like how it makes mine beat everytime i see you and hold you.... I wonder if one day will ever come again...
but yeahh for now.. im off to do homework...
Thanks bestfriend... & stay srong... like I'm trying to be..
Much love... <3 xo.
17th September 2010
010709 - The date I shall never forget....
