It is all over...

I knowing how much i have not achieved this year makes me feel like a failier... i know people always tell me that life is always continue to have its ups and down but im soo sick of my life already...
the other night I just wanted to kill myself actually this whole week... but instead... I just got my metal sissors and a match.. lit up the match.. made my sissors go bright red ans BAM burn my hard just to know that doesnt hurt as much as what it has been hurting now...

old scars bring back so much memories...
My whole life is a scar.. I have never done any thing right.. im just wasting my life.. I do not know what I benefit in life now..

My whole family hate me... school work is a fuck!
friends are always there for me but there one particualar best friend that always been there all the way for me.. we talk every night... hes always there to listen to my problems and help me out..
but sometimes when he jokes around... he makes it sound like hes half serious...
I want me and my bestfriend to stay this way.. I do not want into a relationship with him nomatter how much i love him (as a friend)...
your life is great at the moment.. dont swrew it up like how I screwed mine..
All I want you to know is that.. Im always going to be here for you like your here for me...
your the reason why im still alive now... so thanks to you I would of had the biggest regret...

but yeah...
overall I am VERY SLOWLY getting my life on track... still hurts strongly.. from the day I layed down with you and you asked me if i was crying... obcourse I was crying... I had lost to you... I done the most stupisest mistake that day.. screwed up my family.. and when my sister told me what you did and shit and what you said... to my father made me hate you soo much.. but that hatred did not last for long... the love I have for you took over me and keeps controlling my life from then on... I even wonder if that one day will come... when I am fully over you...
makes me feel like I am never going to find that one boy out there that makes my heart beat like how it makes mine beat everytime i see you and hold you.... I wonder if one day will ever come again...


but yeahh for now.. im off to do homework...
Thanks bestfriend... & stay srong... like I'm trying to be..

Much love... <3 xo.

17th September 2010

010709 - The date I shall never forget....

emotions.... freshly cut... im a fool...

I swear im soo screwed over...
I hate my life...
I've lost you...
its killing me like hell..
I'm missing you like crazy..
I really do not know what to do..
I have been feeling sick..
vomiting...
can not eat..
and i just do not give a shit about anything...
I want and need you..
but I promised myself that this was my last time and one day.. ill be over you..
hopefully...
every time we talk... just feels like nothing happened but when we have to go.. things just change soo much ...
It hurts soo much...
i do not know what to do..
i miss you soo bloody badly...
i hate myself...
i actually thought you were one..
i thought wrong...
i dont know what to do...
...................


that shining star... my brightest star...












Mario Brown- Belongs to you....

I'm completely
Dedicated
All my life I've waited for you
Understand that
If you need me
I'll go crazy
My heart belongs to you
Belongs to you

Lately I
I've been feeling so emotional
My heart is breaking, and I just don't know why 

I'm completely
Dedicated (Dedicated to you)
All my life I've waited for you (Waited just for you)
And understand
If you need me (And if you ever need me)
I'll go crazy
My heart (Heart)
My heart belongs to you


i love you... soo much it hurts....

My favourite song/lyrics, shows almost all my emotions (no changes, still the male version)

 When a day is said and done

In the middle of the night and your fast asleep my love.

Stay awake looking at your beauty

In the middle of the night and your fast asleep my love.
Telling myself im telling myself im the luckiest man alive
Cause so many times i was certain you was gonna walk out of my life (life)Why you take such a hold of me girl
When im still trying to get my act right.

What is the reason when you really could have any man you want
I dont see what i have to offer.
I shouldnt be in season guess you could see i had potential.
Do you know your my miracle?

Ask myself why is you even with me
After all the shit i put you through
Why did you make your heart song wit meIts like youre living in an igloo
But baby your love is so warm it makes my shield melt down (down)
And everytime were both at war
You make me come around.
 
Every single day of my life i thank my lucky stars
God really had to spend extra time when he sculptured your heart.
Cause theres no explanation cant solve the equationIts like you love me more than i love myself.

Im like a statue stuck staring right at you
Got me frozen in my tracks.
So amazed how you take me back
Each and everytime our love collapsed.
Statue stuck staring right at you
So when im lost for words
Everytime i disappoint you
Its just cause i cant believeThat youre so beautiful. (you are the reason)
Stuck like a statue. (the reason for living)
Dont wanna lose you no. (the reason for breathing)
Stuck like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
And youre so beautiful. (and i want you to feel it)
Stuck like a statue. (cause so bad im needing)
Dont wanna lose you no. (youre the reason for breathing)
Stuck like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
When a day is said and doneAnd in the middle of the night youre fast asleep my love...

Im the luckiest man alive...


 Lil Eddie - Statue.


i love you Joem Valeriano
<3 xo.

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???????!!!!!????
what kind of day is is today????!!!??

I got my tourism assignment back.
I put so much effort into it, and guess what I fucken bloody got?!?!!?
NOT A
NOT B
NOT C
NOT EVEN D
I GOT I FUCKEN BLOOODY FUCKEN E!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear it is soo fucken harsh!!!
my tourism teacher said I deserved it because I didn't get the structure right.
==" seriously, she cant even explain properly, and she gives me a E...
I was soooooooo bloody depressed today like I didnt give a shit about any thing until my religion class.
I really look up to  my religion teacher, her name is Ms Bianchet, shes my favourite teacher, she ALWAYS looks at situation in different angles.
Every religion class, our class always talks about different situations in life and people react to them, the rich and the poor, the young and the old etc..
But today, I was so depressed about my tourism assignment. So like i said, i didn't give a crap about any thing.. until.. she said something about how people studies and how it doesn't matter if you find it hard or easy doing a subject or something, its about experiencing and learning in life that would actually get you some where in life, and thats where she got my attention,
Ms Bianchet is a AMAZING woman, even though she talks A LOT she always has her own opinion which is always going to have a reality side to it and she always got things to say about every thing, she wears the gorgeous clothing and she is so pretty.
So I really owe her a lot even if she sees that she hasn't done much, I think that she has changed the way I look at people and reality in a way.
So yeah.. my BAD day turned into reality then.

ANY WAYS!
The other day I bought a cute Abercrobie & Fitch tee, its purple with a big F on it. pretty expensive *not saying the price this time* but worth the deal ;D

It looks like (okays it wont let me upload my photo atm but i shall the next time I blog)

any hows, I shall do my tourism..

SHOUT OUT TO MY BOYFRIEND
I miss my my kasintahan
I haven't seen him ages :(
I love you baby. <3 xo.

sweetdreams xo.

A sign of depression...

I find it unusual, why is it sometimes I feel depressed for no reason.
Like for now for example, okay.. well I did do a Biology test today but i should of done alright in it because I studied for it and answered most of the questions BUT not the last question.. where I had to write a 150 word on advantages and disadvantages of IVF...
THAT WAS WORTH 10 MARKS!!!!! T________T
and I also missed out a few other questions... that could bring my mark down also...
I DONT KNOW!... but I really dont think its my biology test.. it might be but I dont think so..





Some Posible reasons it could be: (in no order)
1. Biology Test
2. Stress
3. Miss my boyfriend...
4. At home WAY TOO MUCH!
5. That girl gets to me..
6. ...

I do not know.. you tell me..
what do you think?


my blogs not long today.. you should not be surprised..
laters xo.

Late night shopping is such a paradise :D

Well you all might know that this blog is about shopping. :D

My favourite ever hobbie to be doing :D

Last night i went late night shopping at marion and i think i spent way too less! o_________O

Yesterday i went to Globolize and bought these FUCKING hot pairs of heals for such a bargain! 

There brown with laces and around a 8cm heal. On the side of the laces there are those dimondy type metal.

They look like:

sorry i do not have a close up picture of the shoes, but you get the jist.

yeah also last night I also went to cheap as chips to get a folder.
fucking 2 bux each O_________O. I do not get how that is cheap. You can get them at office works for like 50cents. but it was urgent so i had to ==" UGH!
any ways I also really wanted these boots from Globalize, there like the low tie up laces, and there were only freaken $42!!!!!!!!!! I VERY MUCH so regret not getting them T________________T
anyways I also bought cute Kenji shorts from myers :D for also a bargain, $50 because it use be $90 and a Londale tee which was $40 and use to be $60 from Trims

so the total amount went up to: $125
A shocking bargain much :D thats like almost only 3/4 worth the amount of what i was willing to spend because i brought $180 with me that night. :D
oh well more for next time!
I LOVE MY SHOPPING ADVENTURES! :D

well i do no think i have any think else to say so yeah
back to BIOLOGY ASSIGNMENT! freaken gay as.
laters peeps! xo.

Facts and Stuff about SEX SEX well concieving a baby boy! ;P ;D

LOLS this might sound weird coming from me but I was just doing my biology assignment on IVF and stuff and I just came across "how to concieve a baby boy" =P

did you know the sex position and timing can comply with the gender type of the baby you want?
you do not beleive me?

heres proof.


How to concieve a baby boy- choosing the right sex position
Believe it or not, the sex position that you have sex in, can also affect whether you concieve a boy or a girl. In some way that your intercourse close to ovulation gives sperm better chance of ferilizing the egg, the sex position that you use also affects how quickly the Y sperm will reach the egg. The best sort of sex position for concieveing a boy will allow for deep penetration into the vagina, and the man must ejaculate as closely to the opening of the cervix as possible. Sex possition that allow deep penetration include on top and doggy style.

DID YOU READ "SEX POSITION THAT ALLOW PENETRATION INCLUDE ON TOP AND DOGGY STYLE!" =)
hope you enjoy ;D

SEX SEX SEX BOMB weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



enjoy you night in bed ;D
xo.