It is all over...

I knowing how much i have not achieved this year makes me feel like a failier... i know people always tell me that life is always continue to have its ups and down but im soo sick of my life already...
the other night I just wanted to kill myself actually this whole week... but instead... I just got my metal sissors and a match.. lit up the match.. made my sissors go bright red ans BAM burn my hard just to know that doesnt hurt as much as what it has been hurting now...

old scars bring back so much memories...
My whole life is a scar.. I have never done any thing right.. im just wasting my life.. I do not know what I benefit in life now..

My whole family hate me... school work is a fuck!
friends are always there for me but there one particualar best friend that always been there all the way for me.. we talk every night... hes always there to listen to my problems and help me out..
but sometimes when he jokes around... he makes it sound like hes half serious...
I want me and my bestfriend to stay this way.. I do not want into a relationship with him nomatter how much i love him (as a friend)...
your life is great at the moment.. dont swrew it up like how I screwed mine..
All I want you to know is that.. Im always going to be here for you like your here for me...
your the reason why im still alive now... so thanks to you I would of had the biggest regret...

but yeah...
overall I am VERY SLOWLY getting my life on track... still hurts strongly.. from the day I layed down with you and you asked me if i was crying... obcourse I was crying... I had lost to you... I done the most stupisest mistake that day.. screwed up my family.. and when my sister told me what you did and shit and what you said... to my father made me hate you soo much.. but that hatred did not last for long... the love I have for you took over me and keeps controlling my life from then on... I even wonder if that one day will come... when I am fully over you...
makes me feel like I am never going to find that one boy out there that makes my heart beat like how it makes mine beat everytime i see you and hold you.... I wonder if one day will ever come again...


but yeahh for now.. im off to do homework...
Thanks bestfriend... & stay srong... like I'm trying to be..

Much love... <3 xo.

17th September 2010

010709 - The date I shall never forget....

emotions.... freshly cut... im a fool...

I swear im soo screwed over...
I hate my life...
I've lost you...
its killing me like hell..
I'm missing you like crazy..
I really do not know what to do..
I have been feeling sick..
vomiting...
can not eat..
and i just do not give a shit about anything...
I want and need you..
but I promised myself that this was my last time and one day.. ill be over you..
hopefully...
every time we talk... just feels like nothing happened but when we have to go.. things just change soo much ...
It hurts soo much...
i do not know what to do..
i miss you soo bloody badly...
i hate myself...
i actually thought you were one..
i thought wrong...
i dont know what to do...
...................


that shining star... my brightest star...












Mario Brown- Belongs to you....

I'm completely
Dedicated
All my life I've waited for you
Understand that
If you need me
I'll go crazy
My heart belongs to you
Belongs to you

Lately I
I've been feeling so emotional
My heart is breaking, and I just don't know why 

I'm completely
Dedicated (Dedicated to you)
All my life I've waited for you (Waited just for you)
And understand
If you need me (And if you ever need me)
I'll go crazy
My heart (Heart)
My heart belongs to you


i love you... soo much it hurts....

My favourite song/lyrics, shows almost all my emotions (no changes, still the male version)

 When a day is said and done

In the middle of the night and your fast asleep my love.

Stay awake looking at your beauty

In the middle of the night and your fast asleep my love.
Telling myself im telling myself im the luckiest man alive
Cause so many times i was certain you was gonna walk out of my life (life)Why you take such a hold of me girl
When im still trying to get my act right.

What is the reason when you really could have any man you want
I dont see what i have to offer.
I shouldnt be in season guess you could see i had potential.
Do you know your my miracle?

Ask myself why is you even with me
After all the shit i put you through
Why did you make your heart song wit meIts like youre living in an igloo
But baby your love is so warm it makes my shield melt down (down)
And everytime were both at war
You make me come around.
 
Every single day of my life i thank my lucky stars
God really had to spend extra time when he sculptured your heart.
Cause theres no explanation cant solve the equationIts like you love me more than i love myself.

Im like a statue stuck staring right at you
Got me frozen in my tracks.
So amazed how you take me back
Each and everytime our love collapsed.
Statue stuck staring right at you
So when im lost for words
Everytime i disappoint you
Its just cause i cant believeThat youre so beautiful. (you are the reason)
Stuck like a statue. (the reason for living)
Dont wanna lose you no. (the reason for breathing)
Stuck like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
And youre so beautiful. (and i want you to feel it)
Stuck like a statue. (cause so bad im needing)
Dont wanna lose you no. (youre the reason for breathing)
Stuck like a statue. (youre so beautiful)
When a day is said and doneAnd in the middle of the night youre fast asleep my love...

Im the luckiest man alive...


 Lil Eddie - Statue.


i love you Joem Valeriano
<3 xo.

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???????!!!!!????
what kind of day is is today????!!!??

I got my tourism assignment back.
I put so much effort into it, and guess what I fucken bloody got?!?!!?
NOT A
NOT B
NOT C
NOT EVEN D
I GOT I FUCKEN BLOOODY FUCKEN E!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear it is soo fucken harsh!!!
my tourism teacher said I deserved it because I didn't get the structure right.
==" seriously, she cant even explain properly, and she gives me a E...
I was soooooooo bloody depressed today like I didnt give a shit about any thing until my religion class.
I really look up to  my religion teacher, her name is Ms Bianchet, shes my favourite teacher, she ALWAYS looks at situation in different angles.
Every religion class, our class always talks about different situations in life and people react to them, the rich and the poor, the young and the old etc..
But today, I was so depressed about my tourism assignment. So like i said, i didn't give a crap about any thing.. until.. she said something about how people studies and how it doesn't matter if you find it hard or easy doing a subject or something, its about experiencing and learning in life that would actually get you some where in life, and thats where she got my attention,
Ms Bianchet is a AMAZING woman, even though she talks A LOT she always has her own opinion which is always going to have a reality side to it and she always got things to say about every thing, she wears the gorgeous clothing and she is so pretty.
So I really owe her a lot even if she sees that she hasn't done much, I think that she has changed the way I look at people and reality in a way.
So yeah.. my BAD day turned into reality then.

ANY WAYS!
The other day I bought a cute Abercrobie & Fitch tee, its purple with a big F on it. pretty expensive *not saying the price this time* but worth the deal ;D

It looks like (okays it wont let me upload my photo atm but i shall the next time I blog)

any hows, I shall do my tourism..

SHOUT OUT TO MY BOYFRIEND
I miss my my kasintahan
I haven't seen him ages :(
I love you baby. <3 xo.

sweetdreams xo.

A sign of depression...

I find it unusual, why is it sometimes I feel depressed for no reason.
Like for now for example, okay.. well I did do a Biology test today but i should of done alright in it because I studied for it and answered most of the questions BUT not the last question.. where I had to write a 150 word on advantages and disadvantages of IVF...
THAT WAS WORTH 10 MARKS!!!!! T________T
and I also missed out a few other questions... that could bring my mark down also...
I DONT KNOW!... but I really dont think its my biology test.. it might be but I dont think so..





Some Posible reasons it could be: (in no order)
1. Biology Test
2. Stress
3. Miss my boyfriend...
4. At home WAY TOO MUCH!
5. That girl gets to me..
6. ...

I do not know.. you tell me..
what do you think?


my blogs not long today.. you should not be surprised..
laters xo.

Late night shopping is such a paradise :D

Well you all might know that this blog is about shopping. :D

My favourite ever hobbie to be doing :D

Last night i went late night shopping at marion and i think i spent way too less! o_________O

Yesterday i went to Globolize and bought these FUCKING hot pairs of heals for such a bargain! 

There brown with laces and around a 8cm heal. On the side of the laces there are those dimondy type metal.

They look like:

sorry i do not have a close up picture of the shoes, but you get the jist.

yeah also last night I also went to cheap as chips to get a folder.
fucking 2 bux each O_________O. I do not get how that is cheap. You can get them at office works for like 50cents. but it was urgent so i had to ==" UGH!
any ways I also really wanted these boots from Globalize, there like the low tie up laces, and there were only freaken $42!!!!!!!!!! I VERY MUCH so regret not getting them T________________T
anyways I also bought cute Kenji shorts from myers :D for also a bargain, $50 because it use be $90 and a Londale tee which was $40 and use to be $60 from Trims

so the total amount went up to: $125
A shocking bargain much :D thats like almost only 3/4 worth the amount of what i was willing to spend because i brought $180 with me that night. :D
oh well more for next time!
I LOVE MY SHOPPING ADVENTURES! :D

well i do no think i have any think else to say so yeah
back to BIOLOGY ASSIGNMENT! freaken gay as.
laters peeps! xo.

Facts and Stuff about SEX SEX well concieving a baby boy! ;P ;D

LOLS this might sound weird coming from me but I was just doing my biology assignment on IVF and stuff and I just came across "how to concieve a baby boy" =P

did you know the sex position and timing can comply with the gender type of the baby you want?
you do not beleive me?

heres proof.


How to concieve a baby boy- choosing the right sex position
Believe it or not, the sex position that you have sex in, can also affect whether you concieve a boy or a girl. In some way that your intercourse close to ovulation gives sperm better chance of ferilizing the egg, the sex position that you use also affects how quickly the Y sperm will reach the egg. The best sort of sex position for concieveing a boy will allow for deep penetration into the vagina, and the man must ejaculate as closely to the opening of the cervix as possible. Sex possition that allow deep penetration include on top and doggy style.

DID YOU READ "SEX POSITION THAT ALLOW PENETRATION INCLUDE ON TOP AND DOGGY STYLE!" =)
hope you enjoy ;D

SEX SEX SEX BOMB weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



enjoy you night in bed ;D
xo.

2010- another round of another year

It is now more then half way through 2010.
I am now a year 11 student and i hate it.

Just thinking that after this year I am going to become a year 12 and then who knows what might happen when I am out of school, I even might end up a bum on the streets. (I hope not o_________O)

Anyways, Year 11 has been my worst schooling year since reception. So many Assignments, tests, exams etc. and also I now notice that 2010 is not that much difference from 2009. Just still the same drama's that have come to haunt me again from last year, same person doing it same shit, different story. Some people just will never mature.

But just to say, I read a friends friends blog today, aka Lam nguyen.

Damn boy has like perfect english and grammar, so stuff you Lam =)

ANY WAYS as I was saying, I read his blog today, which made me want to blog and also made me realise that after every thing that has been happening at school with me lately, all those rumors this bitch is trying to start up about me, all the pointless actions that happen last year and come to haunt me again at the start of this year. SHOULD just be ignored. Because the more I do something about it, the more shes going to get it her way, and ill just be playing by her game.

But what I realise was that I should not care what people think about me or say about me, I know the truth and thats all that matters. :)

So Lam Nguyen, thank you for blogging lols.

I am not going to make this blog long so be happy that you dont have that much to read. :P

Life always goes on no matter how much you think it doesn't.
There are always going to be ups and downs.
Hard and soft times.

Just at the end of the day, your lessons are learn't, and the next day will come and start all over again.

But the point is always stay strong and do not give up on what you believe in. Who cares if others think bad about you, it what you think about your self in the end.

The angle you look a head in your life.
Know that there are ALWAYS going to be people around you when you least expect it.
Life goes on..

and now, This is the end of my blog and I should be a sleep right now.

but before that.

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO:
AyeTeen and My boyfriend, Joem Valeriano.
For being there for me and point me in the directions in my life.
I love you guys so much.
<3 xo.

WOW! i have not wrote in here for a while now,
well.. there is not much to say eccept that my end of year exams are coming up?
hmm.. i dotn want to fail any thing in these exams like i did last exams, i felt like a failiure then but i guess its different nows.. i need to study hard & not go on msn or face book for a few weeks then i should be alright. =)

& man today was such a pretty gay day had a argument and stuff went from morning to just before when i just sorted it out.
hmm.. well..i dont have much to write so im off..

laters <3 xo.

im a failure 2DM!!

OMG!!
Haven't wrote in here since 8/29/09 OMG! been AGES!!!
Havent had time to write in here lately.. damn stacks of homework.. failing like crazy..
Well to be honest, i've been feeling like a failure. Yesterday was the worst.. i felt hell shit since i had found out i got a 'D' for science..=/ (again)
so next term i am gonna let one of my friends look after my phone because I SWEAR ITS SUCH A DISTRACTION!!!! O_____O
like seriously when i didnt get credit in year 8 i was getting A's & a few B's and like one C
i remember in some term in year 8 i got like 5 A's , 2 B's & liek 1 C
now im getting like.. 2 A's, 3 B's, 1 C, and like 4 D's & The D"s were liek for the important subjescts too o______O" seriously ==" SOME ONE TAKE MY PHONE!!!
Even when i do my homework i'm really tempted to call Joem or Le or Vee or sometimes Son LOLS!! hmmm... that DAMN UNLIIMITED DATA BLASTER! OMG SUCH A GOOD DEAL!!! but omg!! its too good that i call people liek 24/7 o______O" or they ask me to call them and we talk for like 6 hours. My phone is like my Best friend o_____O".
But any way as i was saying since i was getting VERY SHIT GRADES! my rents have gone very strict on me o________O" 1. they dont let me out after school any more 2. check up on me to see if im on the phone or studying 3. MY MUM HASNT GIVEN ME MY PAY LATELY!!!! SHE OWES ME $80 & also my big sister owes me $40 o______O" so all together i lost $120 arrrgggghhh!! i only got like $80 or $70 could be $60 lols ATM!!! omg!! I NEED TO SAVE UP FOR END OF YEAR TO GO OVER SEAS & GO ON A MASSIVE SHOPPING SPREE & PEOPLE KEEP BORROWING MONEY OFF OF ME O_______O"
URRRRRGGGHHHH!!! NEED MONEYYY!!!!
ill give a list of things i needa uy before i go over seas & buy more lols
1. new shoes ADIDAS'S $200
2. need Heals (wnat the hot dark blue ones from hype!) $140 i think
3. new summer dress
4. a new bra/bikini's PLAYBOY!=D (LOLS DIDNT NEEDA SAY THAT)
5. new Mossimo undies=)
6. new Phone
7. new short shorts
8. eye shadow
9. present for Jireh/beanie =P
1o. NEW TEE!!! DEFINITLY!!!
11. Jom Jom's, Son's, Quyen's, LIL sis Birthday [resent in OCTOBER & THERE ONLY A FEW DAYS APART!!!! OMG!!!

I think that was all lols im pretty sure there was more but i dont thik i can remember them nows. But now you know what i need! & seriously i need all that.. =/
I WISH I WAS RICHH!!!! *DAYDREAMING* MANSION like 9 rooms dreaming of my dream room etc. lols

ANY WAYS!! i LOVED THE WHAETER TODAY WHEN IT WASNT RAINING!! =="
it felt soo good with out rain. But when it started raining i was like OMFG WHY RAIN? WHY RAIN? *CRIES*
yeah.. oh well... furk man like today in religion class:
Ms Phillips: jennys wheres your religion assignment?
me: umm i sent it to you
Ms Phillips: i didn't get it
me: uhhh I swear to god i swear to god i seriously swear to god i sent it to you last night. (fingers crossed behind my back xD)
Debbie: hey jenny you can still print it off, just go to your sent items & it should be there.
Me: ohh REALLY? okays then
Ms Phillips: go print it off
Me: umm alrights (damn you debbie lols)
RAN OFF DID'NT GO BACK TO RELIGION CLASS AND MADE US SHIT OF THE ASSIGNMENT LOLS handed up to home class teacher at the end of the day. & yeahh =P
haha well after school today, i had to wait for Joem damn 15mins took sooo long! so i wentto the deli to get some lollies & was like that boost bar looks tempting then looked at the last crunchy so i bout 50cent worth of snail lollies & a crunchy bar hahahah im such a fatty & yeahhh
& met up with Joem in front of police station awhhh and he had a head aches=/ he barely talked because of that damn you Joem & he didn't halp me eat some of my crunchy but all well all mine hahah

yeah CBS writing any more so yeahh might be a while till i write more again but for nows
Sarang Hae xoxo gossip girl

<3 laters xo.

alkward day?(for friday) & also my weekend

hello there=D
im filling in for friday...
well on friday we had LOTE day (language other than english) Ms Goh our chinese teacher took us out to "Dumpling King" in china town =D i was pretty excited even though i could just go there after school but yeahh lols free food lols who wouldn't like that =P
yeah well.. Le, Kym and I went to china town with our chinese class but Ms Goh said we had to meet back at 11:50 to do what ever we watined and ansswer questions on a work sheet ==" well yeah we walked around coz Le & i was wearing our addidas jumper & leggings and it waslike hell hot so we tried to find cheap shorts lols (how asian=P) yeah we didnt end up buying shorts but we went to get some drinks in groceries Le, Kym & i bough some Aloe vera drink=) it was yummy=D and went to Girl zone to look at clothes then answer questions on the sheet ==" we didnt get time to go the the Globalze sale =(
well then it was time and we had to meet at Dumpling house & guess what ms Gioh was late coz she went to by a movie so we could watch it later in class it was called "L for LOVE, L for LIES"
yeah well then we went to eat i was already full i drank tow drinks lols dueing the time before ms goh shouted us=P yeah well i got just narmal dumpling had twelve only ate like 6 & a bug fell in coz we were eating out side ==" yeah & then that kinda put me off but still wanted to eat lols
soo damn gross i didnt eat the rest (what a waste of food) & le beardly ate hers too lols
so then me & le & kym went to get a qubic =D yummy (how sad the hot qubic guy Michael wasnt there, i use to have a big crush on him lols)
yeah then we came bakc and ahd to go & ms goh asked why we didnt finish eating and i was like a bug flew into mine and ms gioh wasnt happy, i felt bad =/ but yeah we walked back to school and watched L for love L for lies i cried soo much it was soo sad!!!
well yeah we watchedd until the end of school and after school i waited for Joem to come liek the ussual but with lisa & kym this time xD yeah well we went town and me & joem was waiting for jireh but he said he was gnna come at like 4-5ishh soo yeahh lisa was bored so i called up son to meet up with me & lisa in town so yeah he did it was soo F'N ALKWARDD!!!!!!!!!!!
coz he met Joem & yeahh it was a really really wierd day!! seriously!! i wanted to meet up with Son but yeahhh i wanted to stay with Joem too but yeahh.. lisa walked off with Son i wanted to go too coz i havent went towning with him for AGES!!!! i miss that =/ but yeah i introduce Son to Joem =) even though it was alkward... atleast they met=)
yeahh i stayed in ton till lik 5 ishhh and JIREHH JUST GOT TOO TOWN!!! & i just got on the bus going home like OMG!!!!

& yeahh i was kinda depressed that day after something =/
so i layed in bed until i didnt know how i fell a sleep=/
i woke up and tried calling Joem but his dan bro took his fone coz his fone got stuffed =="
so yeahh i called other perple & LOLS the average size of a elephants penis is 2metres lmao..

well i cbs writing ang more.. even though i was meant to write for the weekend too..

i miss joem...=/
how crazy lols love you baby!
xo.

laters xo.

smile

heys again=)

i am over about the other day i was pissed i dont think i had a right to be pissed thoughs other days =/ im sorry wont do it again..

i dont really have much to write to day i dont think =/

but yesterday i went to woodville for math it was pretty alrite didnt do much i guess.

i was trying to do my SOSE essay but i seriously didnt know what to do so then i gave up and was talking with the girls & then i was playing poker with vinh, son and jorden lols i was clueless like how the hell to you play poker o_____O lols haha
but i kept winning teehee i felt soo PRO!! =D

AND to a very good friend of mine my BFF/BROTHER,
being with someone isnt everything in the world, iknow you can be happy without someone, being with some one is the exact same thing, i know your strong, you can smile at the hardest times when i can't, seeing you like this doesnt make me happy wither you know that. You know i hate seeing you down and i know you hate seeing me down to so i hoep you can smile and make me happy coz ill always be by your side when ever you need it, but yesterday you told me you were sick, im soo sorry that i didnt notice that you were feeling down yesterday i feel so bad. =/
You time will come soon you don't need to wait because it nothing you should wait for.
In time you will find someone that you truely love and not just a high school firlfriend or crush, you will meet them and spend your whole life with them then you dont have to be happy just spending month with a girlfriend but years or your whole life=)

love you bro think thing through before you think this stuff and smile=D yeah? xo.


any ways today went to sunday market do fuckn damn boring wake up soo early =="
& and helthy *hungry jacks chicken wrap with fries and OJ cppt i didnt eat fries* LOLS
and came home watched a bit of TV and msn & now im doing my sose home work and i donn even know what to do god damn it
==" and also did i tell you its due tomorrow like bloody hell i hate my sose teacher!!!
stupid teacher!!

well i think i wrote too much i think i will get back to do home work nows

laters xo.

theres no point any more

seriously.. i give up!!
how does it work?!?
why so i feel like i've been back stabed?
what did i do to her?
like seriously..

FUCK THIS I HATE IT ==" (sorry for the word but im just hate it nows)
every day i find out something it pisses me off even more==" i don't think there is even a point in this any more it jus lies lies & more lies & shit =="

she didnt even tel me today either =="
i wish there was one day JUST ONE DAY that she will learn from all this but she never does does she?

=="

not such a good day after all

heyy every one my name is Jenny & too all i don't have much of a interesting life..

Anyways the start of my day went on pretty well, it was a bludge today and also we celebrated Katrina's birthday with chips and soft drinks LOLS we played spin the bottle which was soo fun & funny:D
My day was going on very well but i still had that LIL something at the back of my head that kept pissing me off every time i think about it so that was one of things why my day wasn't that great another thing was that i had to get contacts from this girl for other people and she end up coming(i waited for like half an hour ==") AND THE LAST THING THAT PISS ME OFF SOO MUCH WAS seeing my BFF well i call him my bro walkng to china town while i was on the bus and i called him and he picked up and i was like hey your in town? & he was like haha yeah, then i asked him why you in town for? & he was like awwh coz i meeting up with ***** and i was liek awwh okays coz that person ended up to be my BFF & she didnt tell me that she was meeting up with him coz i would of went to but she didnt tell me & o yeah btw the guy i called my bro i use to like him o_______O" & yeahh... we went through alot.=/
but anyways back to my day.
yeah ***** & my bro were in town together and my BF saw him with her =="
i still don't get why my BFF didnt tell me & she said b4 that she wouldnt talk to him any more but now NOW their BFFL ==" like OMG!!!
she the biggest bullshit artist ever!! what kind of friend would lie to a BFF==" & i nevered lied to her NEVER EVER HAD=/
why would she do that to me?
is she really a true friend to trust?=="
i seriously dont know what to do or how i cab ever look her in the eye again =="
even though i don't like him anymore she should't do a such thing =(


ANYWAY at school it was all good studying like the ussual but more of a bludge & my sister told me off for goin on Face book at sku & guess what she was on too so like wtf? LOLS

well any ways im off to do home work nows laters xo.